Have you ever told your child, “I’m fine,” when you really weren’t? Maybe you’ve said, “It’s okay,” when your tone and body said otherwise. Or perhaps you tried to look calm while feeling angry or overwhelmed inside.
You’re not alone—all caregivers do this sometimes. All humans do. Life is messy, and sometimes we need to keep things steady in the moment, even when we’re struggling inside.
So, if this sounds familiar, please hear this: there’s no shame here.
But it’s something worth noticing, especially for children who have experienced hard things, uncertainty, or trauma. Kids are incredibly tuned in to the emotional “temperature” of their caregivers. Even when they don’t understand the words, they can sense when something doesn’t feel right.
When our words and feelings don’t match, it can send a signal of danger or confusion to a child’s nervous system. They might not be able to name it, but they feel it—something feels “off,” and their bodies respond with behaviors that might look like defiance, withdrawal, or big emotions.
The goal isn’t to be perfectly calm or honest all the time—that’s not realistic. Instead, it’s about building awareness and learning how to bring our inside and outside closer together. You might say:
Those simple statements give your child something powerful: truth and safety at the same time.
When your words and feelings start to align, your child begins to feel that the world is predictable and trustworthy. And when they feel safe with you, they learn to trust their own feelings too.
So next time you catch yourself saying “I’m fine” when you’re not, take a breath. Be curious about what’s happening inside you. Your honesty—spoken gently and with care—can become one of the most healing tools you have.