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Balancing Family Dynamics:

Navigating the Challenges of Blending Biological, Foster, and Adoptive Siblings

I received an email from one of the many subscriptions I follow about the various types of families we work with at FK. One particular topic stood out to me, and I believe it deserves further discussion: the changing dynamics of a home when it includes biological, foster, and adoptive siblings.

 If you check out adoptionwise.org you will find some phenomenal resources. One of the Co-Founders is Lisa Qualls who is a birth mom, former foster youth, foster mom, and adoptive mom, She is also a TBRI® Practitioner, a trainer, and an author. Melissa Corkum is the other Co-Founder of Adoption Wise, and she is an adoptee, an adoptive mom, a TEDTalk Speaker, Safe and Sound Protocol Practitioner. She is also a co-author of Lisa's book Reclaim Compassion and Foundations for Overcoming and Preventing Blocked Care

 Lisa shared a personal story that I believe many of our caregivers can relate to. She said that after twenty years of parenting and raising seven biological children, she and her husband, Russ decided to adopt four more children. Confident in their parenting skills, they soon found themselves unprepared for the ongoing challenges and demands that came with the new additions to their family. While they initially believed their biological children would manage the changes, they began to struggle as time went on, feeling neglected and losing their parents' attention.

In their effort to heal and support their adopted children, Lisa and Russ unintentionally created a "hard place" for their biological children by not adequately addressing their needs and giving them a voice. This realization led them to urge other parents in similar situations to invest time and resources into their biological children, emphasizing that even small gestures can make a significant difference. We have come up with some strategies below to honor everyone's voice and choice within your blended family. Please let us know if you do anything outside this list that works well for you, we would love to hear it.

  1. Family Meetings: Hold regular family meetings where each child has the opportunity to speak and be heard. This creates a structured space for everyone to express their feelings and concerns.
  2. One-on-One Time: Spend individual time with each child. This helps them feel valued and gives them a chance to communicate privately.
  3. Choice Boards: Use choice boards for daily or weekly activities, allowing children to select what they want to do. This can empower them and give them a sense of control.
  4. Validation and Empathy: Actively listen to each child and validate their feelings. Show empathy and understanding, ensuring they know their emotions are important and respected.
  5. Inclusive Decision-Making: Involve all children in family decisions when appropriate. This can range from choosing a family activity to planning a vacation, ensuring they feel included and respected.
  6. Personalized Spaces: Allow each child to have a space that reflects their personality and interests, whether it's their own room or a designated area in the home.
  7. Cultural and Heritage Celebrations: Acknowledge and celebrate the diverse backgrounds of each child. Incorporate traditions, foods, and customs from their cultures into family life.
  8. Support Networks: Encourage children to connect with support groups or therapy if needed. This provides an additional outlet for expressing their thoughts and feelings.
  9. Family Projects: Engage in family projects that require teamwork and collaboration, fostering a sense of unity and shared purpose.
  10. Open Communication Channels: Establish open communication channels where children feel safe to express their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or repercussions.

It's essential to acknowledge and meet the needs of every child in the family, making sure they feel supported and valued during times of change. Despite the difficulties, you ARE a good caregiver doing meaningful work! Please do not forget that!

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