Foster Kinship.

Parenting Your Relative: Dealing with Misbehavior

Parenting Your Relative: Dealing with Misbehavior

Children misbehave for several reasons, but we can categorize them into three main buckets:

  1. They don’t know the rules.
  2. They know the rules but break them anyway. This can happen when they are frustrated, angry, in need of attention or unable to control their desires.
  3. They feel tired, sick, hungry or upset and don’t know how to express their needs.

When a child misbehaves, there are three tasks to handle:

  1. Responding to the child so that he/she stops behaving.
  2. Find out if the child needs something- a snack, a nap, a hug, or if they are sick.
  3. Teach the child to know and strive for good behavior.

Tips to Help Prevent Misbehavior:

  1. Set clear rules and routines for bedtimes, bathing, meals and getting to school/activities.
  2. Set clear expectations and outline age appropriate consequences.
  3. Be consistent with rules and stick with them.
  4. Be fair and firm when the child breaks the rules.
  5. Be encouraging when the child is behaving well. Notice and specifically point out how the good behavior is pleasing.  Never take good behavior for granted!

Setting Appropriate Consequences:

  1. Time-outs: Send your child to a safe quiet place aay from people and toys for a few minutes. A good rule of thumb is 1-2 minutes for each year of the child’s age.
  2. Tune-outs: For lesser misbehavior, let the child know you will not respond to them until they stop the undesired behavior.
  3. Remove Privileges: Take something temporarily away that the child values- a toy or game, playtime, etc.

*A note on physical punishment. Most professionals do not recommend spanking as punishment. It teaches that hitting is a method for solving problems and it can be very damaging for children. Please reconsider carefully the use of physical punishment to discipline your child.

What other tips do you have for dealing with misbehavior?

Source: Empowering Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

  • Kath

    There is a 4th reason children misbehave. When they live in an abusive household full of fear with a sociopath parent (sociopath: plays the victim, blames everyone else for their problems, accuses everyone else of doing what they do to take attention away from them, no compassion, no remorse, no sympathy, no empathy, excessive control/punishments, pretending to care about the child’s welfare but only caring about looking like a caring parent, vindictive, shallow, the rules apply to everyone except them, adept liars, charismatic, great actors, are only nice to you if you have something they want, etc.). Kids stuck in this environment try to cope by: cutting themselves, self-mutilation, bed-wetting, nervousness, depression, fearful, agitated, withdrawing, lashing out because no one listens to them, rebels to garner negative attention, thinking being hit/yelled at/deprived are signs of love because that’s all they know These children are victims of the worst kind – they have no escape, no one can help them because the abuser sociopath has beaten them down until they have the “stockholm syndrome” in place – the kids feel sorry for the abuser and protect the abuser and will lie for the abuser. Make no mistake – when this type of sociopath parent cries it isn’t over the kids – it’s because they are afraid their game will be discovered but the kids are fooled into thinking the parent actually gives a damn about them. This sociopath parent does not. Police and CPS are blind to this epidemic and always take the abuser’s word that they were “only disciplining” the child for being mouthy/disrespectful/uncontrollable. Grandparents have no rights to rescue their grandchildren and give them a stable environment until they are 18 when the emotional damage is done and irreversible. If you see kids who are cutting/scratching themselves, constantly in trouble – someone needs to check the family closer. I’m sick of hearing about parental rights when children and other relatives have none. No one knows more about the family dynamics than the extended family and no one cares more about the children then the extended family. It’s tme to out these lousy parents once and for all and give these tortured children a chance to feel loved and secure. Why is it that so many grandparents are having to raise their kids these days?? This is why – sociopath children screwing up their grandchildren. The police and CPS need to get out of the picture and let families start taking care of their own.
    The money wasted on this involvement by these two agencies can be better used in setting up extended families to raise their own. There are too many “angry” people in the world and when so-called agencies that are supposed to protect children do not but only target the relatives who are trying to save their grandchildren people will understand the reason why. CPD and the police do not care about kids. Judges do not care about the welfare of the kids. Identify the sociopaths in your family and out them.